_anythingUpFront_

..
...As I grown up..
Moving up from one city to another..
From suburb to a big city..and from a town to a village..
Then find myself here at the capital city..
I learn a lot..
Since I can read when I was 3...I wanna know a lot of things..
I always said and thoughts I'm not so religious that I can't believe of any miracle or any kind of heavenly intervention of my life..
But I can sure about the power of faith and hope along in my life journey..
They brought me here..being here and feel what I'm feeling right now..
I feel blessed..
Can't find any other words to describe how my ordinary life I've through felt like a magic to me..

Kinda fairy tale..I think..
Kinda horror with lots of drama and thriller going on..
LoL..

Life can be so hard..
Each time I think about it..I find my life seems easier than any other people..
When I'm going down..feeling break down..
All I can think about is how hard this things hit me..
But then again I found myself flashback all my life..
How I have supportive family and friends who always near me..
I learn about lot of things from all the people around me..
Life seems so much easier..
I find myself have a normal teenage years..
Having fun..
Be in love..
Going to college..
Have a healthy happy relationship..
Even I'm nerd I can hang outs w/ cool people..
I lived both side of world..
I'm into high and low..
I see all perspective..
I'v come with easy part and gone through hard ways..
So normal..so blessed..
I don't have to prove anyone who I am..
Coz I know what matters to me..
I don't have to show anything and I don't feel I want to..

Now I just can laugh and thanks God for what I've had..
I've break down a tears and so fallin' down to kiss the ground..but I made myself survived it..
And I don't lose myself..
I still who I am and even upgraded..
I love a better person of me after all I've been through..

Looking and hearing people who trying to find theirself by trying so hard to called "cool" or "exist" or whatever hype around is making me sad for them but also grateful to God I'm not the one who made myself that way...

Coz I still can't understand those people who really wants a stereotype put on them..
I'd rather accepted myself first than making ppl accepted me for who I am not..or just trying so hard to be that person they wanna put on them..
Its so lame..
So pathetic..
But its their prerogative..
I have no right to forbid..
All I can do is keep myself remember how lucky I am..
How great the God has given me this life..
Has given me the faith..
The path..
The way of thoughts..
For not letting me only see..but also feel..
Feelin every side..
Live on both side..
Understand both side..
And not take aside..
..

Thanks God I can live with the nerds and the cool ones in balance..
Thanks God I don't have to try so hard to be accepted..

I can't fully understand why exist is important..
I feel I'm exist..
I'm breathing..
I'm here..thinking..working..socializing..
Normally human being..
I'm already existed..
I don't have to try to be one..coz I've been..
..I am..and always be.. :)
JR's

Posted via email from ninoarka's posterous